Saturday, October 29, 2005

journal entry nineteen...

this is the kind of weirdo i am: on wednesday i bought two bags of halloween candy, one of skittles and one of hershey miniatures, so the kids with a taste for tangy and the kids with a taste for chocolaty will each be able to choose their favorite. and then last night i was thinking how no one rang the bell last year. and when i lived in the old neighborhood i don't remember any kids ringing the bell there either. in fact, i don't remember anyone ringing the bell as long as i've even lived in the city so why did i decide to buy the candy? and i even hesitated for a moment and almost bought a headband with little cat ears because i thought wouldn't it be cute if i opened the door and showed that i was in the halloween spirit too by painting my face and being a good sport about the whole thing?

i didn't buy the headband and now i'm looking at the bag of skittles wondering how much longer until i break down and rip the bag open myself and start inhaling all of MY favorites. maybe later, when i put "the haunting" in and snuggle up on the couch with babycat. then again, maybe i'll just open a bottle of wine and let that scratch my sugar itch.

last night i talked to mom for over two hours on the phone. that's gonna cost a pretty penny. it was a good talk though. finally SHE was able to hold it together and comfort ME while i fell apart and talked really fast and incoherently through the sobs and gulps of red wine. i'm sure she was able to make out the gist of it and if nothing else, the "i hate everybodys" because i must've said it twenty times and meant it too. she didn't even tell me not to hate them either. she agreed with me and said "you're right, baby. they are awful. they are assholes. incredible assholes that don't deserve to even know someone as good as you." eventually i stopped bawling and pulled it together and we talked about other stuff too and compared the health status of our cats and giggled a little bit and then we said goodnight and i hung up the phone and fell right to sleep.

her birthday is coming up. i've gotta find a box big enough to fit all this shit into and then off to the post office with me.


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