Sunday, October 30, 2005

journal entry twenty...

i seriously think i have OCD. i'm having a hard time focusing, concentrating on anything. i've read a book, done my laundry, watched a movie, vacuumed, done this dishes, made lunch, done the dishes again, started another book, and now i'm writing this.

i feel all antsy and restless, but also bored and lethargic.

someone is using a leaf blower outside and it's making my room smell like gasoline and exhaust. i'm starting to feel carsick in the comfort of my own home. how nice.

"how stella got her groove back" is on tv. when she wrote that she had one thing in mind but in the end it turned out totally different. i wonder if taye diggs would've taken the part if he'd known he was actually playing a gay man. weird how life is sometimes. lots of times.

i was thinking earlier what i would say if J called and said that he broke up with A because he couldn't take the guilt of knowing how much he'd hurt me and that he didn't want to lose me forever. i decided that i would say "well, that's too bad because now you have neither of us. just because you gave her up for me doesn't mean i'll take you back. the trust i once had is gone. maybe it's not too late with her though. if you give a call right away, maybe she'll take you back. because i'm certainly not." and then i'd turn and walk away all dignified like.

i frequently make up these grand scenes that never play out. when i think them i have one thing in mind but it the end they usually turn out totally different.

1 Comments:

Blogger Zander Kaufman said...

Keep up the great postings....
Z.K.

October 30, 2005 9:02 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home