Tuesday, November 01, 2005

journal entry twenty-five...

i think part of it is also that i don't feel like i can talk to anyone about it. or i don't want to talk to anyone about it because i'm afraid they will think i'm being petty or childish. that they will say my feelings are invalid and that i need to just get over it.

i am getting over it, but part of it is because i'm dwelling on it. turning it over and over in my mind and looking at it from every direction. i'm sucking the marrow out of it so it'll eventually dry up and i can toss it aside. but at the moment i am still hurt and angry and i want to be hurt and angry and i don't want anyone to tell me that i shouldn't be or that i need to move on.

so. that is why i've been spending all of my free time alone and when someone asks me to do something i say no and when i get the urge to call someone i don't. right now this is the center of my life. this betrayal and abandonment. i don't feel like i can spend time with anyone and not talk about it and not bitch and moan and cry and rage at the injustice of it all.

until i feel ready, like i can face people without wanting to rub their noses in my misery, i shall remain alone and revel in my solitude. perhaps i'm the only one for whom misery doesn't enjoy company.

3 Comments:

Blogger jane kay doe said...

this is a dorky comment, but i really do enjoy reading your blog.

November 01, 2005 12:38 PM  
Blogger broken ladder said...

the feeling is quite mutual. i love reading your blog and it actually inspired me to start my own so thank you!

November 01, 2005 1:28 PM  
Blogger The Creative Death said...

I can completely relate....word for word relatable.
We're pretty much going through the same thing at the same point in time actually. Crazy.

November 02, 2005 6:54 PM  

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