Tuesday, December 20, 2005

journal entry 115...

i don't know who i think i'm kidding here.

the library is no place to get any work done. i feel all conspicuous and out of place. these people all know i don't belong here and that i don't know the reference desk from my elbow.

(my ass from my elbow sounds so much better than the reference desk from my elbow but this is what you get when you attempt library humor.)

anyway.

i decided to rent "nuts" and "how to make an american quilt". i've never wanted to waste netflix selections on them and they're free so there you go.

i've been sitting here for an hour trying to get all creative and prolific but i'm falling right back in my old study habits, those excellent skills that got me kicked out of school in the first place.

i highlighted a few lines from one poem and corrected typos on a couple of others. then i leaned back in my chair and studied the guy's scalp across from me: greasy. that little itch should be telling him something.

(hello, judgemental!)

checked email. checked favorite blogs. more scalp inspecting.

good lord. next thing i'll be heading home for a bong hit and "21 jumpstreet" reruns.

i don't think it's possible for me to be creative in a library. or even to concentrate for that matter. and this chair is giving me a backache. it's cool that they have free wifi though. so i can check email.

god i suck.

eeee! a cute boy sat down at the table across from mine. he has an ibook like mine too. he just looked up at me and i looked away and blushed like an idiot.

this is totally like college. i gotta get out of here.

i did start a new poem though. it goes like this:

spalding gray nearly killed me
or nearly injured me anyway

that's all i've got so far. it's based on a real incident and i'm sure it's going to be the best thing i've ever written. or not.

this is all just me trying to kill time and act like i'm creative and disciplined when really i just want to go home and open a bottle of wine and watch barbra streisand go nuts.

fuck it. i think i'm going to. because i suck like that and never follow through with what i say. i'd better leave that off of my mentor application though. gah.

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