Thursday, December 22, 2005

journal entry 117...

well, yesterday was a big, fat waste.

i really shouldn't drink at all anymore. now that i've lost weight and drink so infrequently i really can't hold my liquor. yesterday i laid around ALL DAY nursing a hangover and feeling guilty watching movies and reading forksplit, eating like a goddamn pig and not writing a goddamn thing.


i kept trying to tell myself that it was okay because it was wednesday and it wasn't like the week was almost over or anything but you know what? that's bullshit. i've totally screwed off most of this week and i've got nothing to show for it.

i've got to get my shit together today and at least start on a poem for tomorrow. it's only 8 am so i have plenty of time if i just put my mind to it and get it done. no more fucking around.

maybe i could just put a little more pressure on myself and hang myself instead. gah.

i woke up feeling snotty today. like in sixth grade when my mom ruined my life by refusing to get me nikes like all the other assholes at school. she got me some generic shit from payless shoe source instead and i walked around pouting like a little bitch about it for months.

it's reassuring to know that i'm still an immature little baby twenty some years later. particularly when the cause of my distress is my own goddamn fault.

i'm going to go take a happy pill and see if a shower won't straighten me out.


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