Thursday, December 22, 2005

journal entry 119...

alright. i know that was incredibly harsh and mean and TOXIC if you will, but i had to get it out. it's been choking off any real growth and healing in me because i've been pushing it all down and pretending like i don't have any of these ugly, horrible feelings inside of me. i've been faking half of this mellow, evolved stuff hoping that if i say it enough it'll be true.

i do want to get over this, i do want to get past this, i don't want to hate them or wish harm on them forever.

if i can just scream and rage and yell horrible stuff i feel better though and then i feel guilty and want to be a better person again.

i do want to be a better person. i want to get to the point where i can see either of them or both of them and not even blink. not even care. bygones. good riddance. peace on earth, good will to men, asshole exes and skanks. etc.

this is all so much harder than you'd think though. obviously

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