Wednesday, December 28, 2005

journal entry 126...

i woke up really, really, really depressed again. i know a lot of it is hormones, but a lot of it is real sadness and disappointment too.

J & A seem to be haunting my dreams as much as my waking hours again and it's breaking my heart and making me miserable all over again. not to mention the disgust i feel for myself for not being able to JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY. it's been over two months and now i'm back to being as sad and disappointed as i was when it first happened. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

last night i had all these terrible nightmares, mostly involving A being a total fucking bitch to me and me constantly in tears.

i just want to get past this. i just want to quit being constantly reminded of them. i just want to forget about them entirely as if they never existed.

they're assholes and i don't want them in my life anyway so why can't i just get over it already? why does it continue to hurt day after day after day?

and why do i still have my period month after month after month? i'm never going to have any children so why can't it leave me alone already?

why can't i just stop crying for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES?! i think i'm losing my mind.

i wish i would just stop waking up. this is all so fucking exhausting.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Kurt said...

Some days the wounds feel fresher than others. Having one of those days myself. Hang in there.

December 28, 2005 7:58 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

Seeing that you're sad makes me sad.

Does that make us buddies?

Yes, right?

December 29, 2005 6:17 AM  

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