Wednesday, December 28, 2005

journal entry 126...

i woke up really, really, really depressed again. i know a lot of it is hormones, but a lot of it is real sadness and disappointment too.

J & A seem to be haunting my dreams as much as my waking hours again and it's breaking my heart and making me miserable all over again. not to mention the disgust i feel for myself for not being able to JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY. it's been over two months and now i'm back to being as sad and disappointed as i was when it first happened. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

last night i had all these terrible nightmares, mostly involving A being a total fucking bitch to me and me constantly in tears.

i just want to get past this. i just want to quit being constantly reminded of them. i just want to forget about them entirely as if they never existed.

they're assholes and i don't want them in my life anyway so why can't i just get over it already? why does it continue to hurt day after day after day?

and why do i still have my period month after month after month? i'm never going to have any children so why can't it leave me alone already?

why can't i just stop crying for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES?! i think i'm losing my mind.

i wish i would just stop waking up. this is all so fucking exhausting.


Anonymous Kurt said...

Some days the wounds feel fresher than others. Having one of those days myself. Hang in there.

December 28, 2005 7:58 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

Seeing that you're sad makes me sad.

Does that make us buddies?

Yes, right?

December 29, 2005 6:17 AM  

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