Friday, December 30, 2005

journal entry 131...

my eyes are so swollen from all the bawling yesterday that i can't put in my contacts. i'm feeling optimistic though so i'm going to put some mascara on anyway and try to get on with my life.

the blood came early which is a relief in a way because i really do think i'm going crazy sometimes. when the bleeding actually starts it's a reminder that yes, god hates me, but no, i'm not insane after all. i like to think of the blood washing some of the hormones away pad by pad and know that soon i will be able to cope and breath normally again and go about my life in the dull haze i'm used to.

(oh eve, you crazy bitch! look what you made that sadistic dude in the sky do to all of your innocent yet equally sinful sisters! you and phyllis schlafly are going to be the death of us!)

but anyhoo.

i'm really, really exhausted and it's cold and rainy outside and i have to walk downtown to the apple store again because they left the users manual out of my $200 external hard drive so i have no fucking clue how to go about backing up all of my freshly restored and installed programs and applications and music.

which reminds me: my vacation is almost over and all i really have to show for it is six empty wine bottles and a waste basket full of snotty tissue. oh, and an oppressive sense of defeat! can't forget that one!

i started a poem for today's poetry blogging. it's about empty wine bottles, snotty tissues and an oppressive sense of defeat. go figure! we'll see if i'm too dignified to post it or if i'd prefer to share my humiliation with the world.

tune in to find out!



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