Monday, December 05, 2005

journal entry eighty-six...

the weekend is always over so fast.

only two more weeks until my vacation though. then i'm going to have to figure out how to keep busy when i have seventeen days off in a row. i intend to do a lot of writing a lot of reading and a lot of meditating on my future and what exactly i want from it. if i had a ton of money my options would be a little broader, but as it is...well, that's why i've got to start planning now.

i did spend a lot of this weekend eating like a pig and hating myself for it. yesterday was the worst. i just couldn't seem to feel full and i kept craving salty and then sweet, spicy and then bland. i'm still feeling a bit guilty about it this morning although i intend to get back on track this week. i'm not going to beat myself up for one gluttonous weekend. just as long as it doesn't become a habit.

i did accomplish just about every task on my "to do" list, so that's something. the house is nice aand clean, the laundry is done, and the holiday cds are done so i can start sending them out this week. it's funny how i feel like i don't have any friends or anything and then i started making the cds and i guess i do. the list seemed to get longer and longer even when i didn't have most of my old crew on it.

one of the things i think i'm going to do while i'm on vacation is join a writing group or a bookclub. i need to make some new and improved friends with common interests.

i just had a mild panic attack when i wrote that. i think i am becoming quite happy spending time on my own and the idea of giving some of that up to allow others in is a bit worrisome. but there has to be balance. i can't spend all of my time alone. i just need to make sure that i don't overextend myself in the other direction either.

i feel a bit out of sorts today. my focus/attention span isn't at full capacity and i'm mostly just writing out of habit, not because i have anything to say. maybe i should meditate for a few minutes to gather my thoughts and then try again. i hate when i just write a bunch of crap and sound like a fifteen year-old writing about her weekend.

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