Friday, December 09, 2005

journal entry ninety-five...

i just watched "searching for angela shelton" and it was really good but it made me feel really bad, really sad for so many people. the world is a hard place. so many people do so many bad things that break the spirits and ruin the hope of so many other people.

my mom was one of those people. hurt and broken early so that she would never believe that anything good would ever happen to her; that she would be worthy of anything good ever happening.

and no one ever believes her story. except her sisters, but they're so screwed up by the same childhood that they always sell each other out, they confide and encourage and console and once they feel strong enough they abandon one another to try and win the approval of their mother. the one who allowed and participated in so much of the damage that happened to them.

my mom never sells out though. she always confides and encourages and consoles but she does it because she wants them all to rise up and punish the one who hurt them, but her sisters always sell her out and leave her behind.

it breaks my heart.

in some ways i'm so happy to not have a sibling to betray me. it's bad enough when it's just anyone who screws you over. it must be worse though, when it's your own family.

poor mama. i need to be more compassionate towards her. i'm all she has; the only one on her side.

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