Sunday, December 11, 2005

randomness fifty-three...

there was a man sleeping in the laundry room when i went down there earlier. i think he must have been homeless although he looked like anybody else - mid to early thirties wearing a navy jogging suit and a baseball cap. he looked clean. he was snoring softly.

i was trying to be quiet as i loaded the washer because i didn't want to have to talk to him. i'll admit it did cross my mind that he might take my laundry when i left, but the washers lock as soon as the water starts running. and then i felt bad for thinking that, because he's just a man trying to get some sleep in a safe warm place which the street corner is not.

he woke up anyway and i said hello to him and i could tell he was kind of embarassed and startled by me. he got up and went upstairs to the foyer where i passed him on my way back to my apartment.

when i went back down to put my stuff in the dryer he was gone. i looked out the window for him when i got back up here and he was standing against the mailbox across the street looking like he wondered what he was going to do next.

it makes me sad that so many people are homeless in such a wealthy nation. and it makes me feel guilty that i'm so fortunate and you don't see me out there offering anyone a place to sleep.

i guess there's a part of me that is scared of them; of people in dire straits. i want to help and make things better for them but i'm also afraid that some of their misfortune or bad luck might rub off on me.

i can be such an asshole.

i need to start volunteering again before i die of guilt.


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