Tuesday, December 20, 2005

randomness sixty-eight...

hee. i just found a gift CA gave me for my twenty-third birthday. it was in the goodwill bag i have waiting for when goodwill starts randomly going door to door asking people if they just happen to have any crap already bagged up that they'd like taken off their hands. i've got like six bags of great shit and no car to drop it off anywhere.

(dear goodwill, i'm sending you psychic brainwaves: pleeeease come get all my extra crap.)

i was rummaging through the bag because i just got an email from my mom informing me that she has a vcr. and a dvd player. since when?! i bought her the fucking tv a year ago and she didn't even know what a dvd was. where'd she get the money for a dvd player anyway? but i digress.

i just pulled out a bunch of videos i was going to give to goodwill but now i'm going to send them to my mom instead. while i was rummaging around in the bag i found one of my birthday gifts from 1993 and i can't BELIEVE i was going to get rid of it. it was my favorite gift ever! what was i even THINKING?!?!?!

deep thoughts - by jack handy

i highlighted my favorites. as you can see from the following list, i had an excellent sense of humor even then:

"if a kid asks where rain comes from, i think a cute thing to tell him is "god is crying." and if he asks why god is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did."

"if trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? we might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason."

"is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? and he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. and also, you're drunk."

"laurie got offended that i used the word "puke". but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like."


jesus, i remember laughing till i cried when i first read them. i think i was probably drunk but still.

i can't believe i was going to give this shit away. treasures i tell you!!!

(hi. i'm drunk again, but it's dark outside so it's okay. i am NOT wasting my life! no i'm not!!!)


Anonymous Kurt said...

I miss Jack Handy. I had that book, too--but I'm not sure I've got it any longer. Great stuff!

December 20, 2005 6:37 PM  

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