Monday, January 02, 2006

journal entry 137...

i'm trying to stay positive and upbeat. today's horoscope was a pleasant surprise so i'm going to try and see it as the first wave in a series of new, improved years and boundless good fortune for me. i can make it happen. i can start bringing about positive change and new happiness in my life and i intend to.

last night i had some fun and interesting dreams. in one of them i was kind of dating ricky gervais which - i don't know where the hell that came from. i was working at a restaurant or grocery store or something and he was too so he invited me to a party he was throwing. i was a bit torn because i kind of fancied his friend, stephen merchant, and i wasn't sure what to do. i decided to go to the party anyway, even though i didn't know anyone and i was proud of myself for doing it and not chickening out. i ran into M & H there and they were kind of weird to me because of the J & A thing but i didn't let it get to me. i was nice and friendly to them when they arrived and then i just excused myself and made my way around the party.

anyway, the gist of the dream was that i was brave and fun, lovely and desireable, and above all: confident and proud.

that's what i need to work on, my self-esteem. i need to stop dwelling on the past and what has already happened and start looking to the future and what i want to create for myself; who i want to be. i've got a lot of work to do but i guess i've got plenty of time to do it.

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