Tuesday, January 03, 2006

journal entry 140...

last night i had a lot of really detailed and involved dreams. i can only remember bits and pieces but in the last one i remember feeling really young and hopeful, like i had my whole life ahead of me and a wide open world to experience.

i was giving love and relationship advice to another young woman and i really seemed to know what i was talking about. james franco was going off to military school and we were very sad and knew we'd miss him but that it was really the best thing for everyone.

she had a million pictures of him and in some of them his hair was very blonde and sort of longish. he wore those "dolphin" shorts or whatever they were called, from the early 80s. his legs were skinny and coltish.

i woke up early this morning with a bit of a stomach ache. i tried to sleep it off but i couldn't so i got up before my alarm went off even though i went to sleep later than usual last night.

i've got to get back in the habit of waking up at the crack of dawn again after almost three weeks of sleeping in at least until it was light out.

i'm glad it's not raining so i can start back to work with a leisurely walk. even though i shower and journal before i leave, i really feel like it's the morning walks that clear my head and help put things into perspective. things seem brighter and more hopeful on my walks so i get a bit of a build up before the real world is let in to chip away at my spirit.

i don't know. i just feel so much pressure to not screw this year up. it's still so early i feel really hopeful and like there's so much potential for it to be good, but it's still so early that there's plenty of time for me to get it all wrong too.

i'm going to end here for now so i can do a bit of meditation and try to get a reign on the positivity while i push the negativity into the metaphorical garbage where it belongs.

today is going to be a good day, dammit.

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