Thursday, January 05, 2006

journal entry 145...

i'm not used to waking up so early yet. i'm still on holiday time.

i sleep and sleep and sleep until the alarm goes off and startles me awake where upon i immediately forget what i was dreaming about so all the hard earned symbolism and deep insight into my psyche is lost on me. pity that.

i haven't been feeling particularly creative lately either. i've been so deeply involved in my own personal pity party that i can't seem to focus or concentrate or grasp any kind of inspiration.

mostly i just want to go back to sleep.

on a positive note: i continue to lose weight and this makes me happy. the irony of feeling more worthy of being seen the more i disappear.

i'm supposed to have a drink with ST after work today. i haven't seen her since august? september? i guess i'm a little nervous because i don't know if i should tell her any of this or if she'll think i'm a freak. i was thinking i'll just kind of gloss over it like i did with BE. just give her the gist of it and then let her talk about what's going on with her.

fortunately, she isn't part of my old circle and doesn't know many of them so i don't have to censor myself or feel like i have to pretend to be some way i'm not. i probably will anyway though.

i just can't even write or think or concentrate this morning.

mostly i just want to go back to sleep.


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