Thursday, January 05, 2006

journal entry 149...

it was really good to hangout with ST. i was incredibly sad all day and it continued to get worse and worse as the day went on so i was afraid that i'd be in a horrible state when it was time to meet her. i almost emailed her to tell her i couldn't do it but i didn't want to flake so i was there at 5:30 and she was there at 5:45.

we did the regular greeting/check-in and then it got to the real stuff and since we haven't seen each other in so long i had to tell her "the news" and since i was feeling wishing i was deadish all day i immediately got all choked up and teary eyed and could barely even get it out. she was really sweet and supportive though and really understanding. she was also totally on my side and said that she thinks that i have very right to be hurt and angry and hateful and that if one of her friends had started fucking her ex she'd freak too.

it felt so good to be validated. i felt like a huge "crazy bitch" burden had been lifted from my shoulders. she said that she doesn't think i'm a bitch at all and that i have every right to feel the way i do. it felt so, so good to hear that. especially from another woman. especially from another woman who isn't my mom or my best-friend who are obligated to be on my side.

anyway, i've had a few beers and i'm all wired and weird so i'm going to try and relax and chill a bit and hope that this relief lasts and that tomorrow is a happier day.

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