Saturday, January 07, 2006

journal entry 151...

another thing that makes me wake up in a relatively happy state is a nightmare.

when i wake up from a dream where i have a cancerous tumor the size of a tennis ball in my armpit, it's such a relief that i can't help but feel kind of giddy and "blessed". although i have given myself several breast exams this morning and keep checking my pits to make sure there's really nothing there.

in the dream it was really large and painful but i had never noticed it before that moment right then. i kind of freaked out and told CA to feel it but she was so rough and it totally hurt. i asked her to be gentle but she rolled her eyes like i was being a baby. when she felt it she wasn't very sympathetic either. she was kind of mean and made me feel like it was my fault for not noticing it sooner. i guess if i had died it would've been no skin off her teeth. back? nose? however that saying goes.

anyway, i'm glad i don't have any cancerous tumors and i'm going to thoroughly feel myself up when i get in the shower to make sure.

no big plans for the weekend. i'm just going to get a haircut, try to write and/or finish a few poems, then i'm going to try and finish "a million little pieces" and watch my netflix movies as soon as the mail carrier drops them off.

the life of a fecking rockstar.

(as long as i can make it through without any tears i'll consider it a great success.)


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