Friday, February 10, 2006

journal entry 207...

i'm so glad it's friday. i can't wait to sleep in tomorrow and just chill out a bit. i've been so wound up and on the verge all week that i need a full day to myself to just relax and decompress.

my eyes are swollen and sensitive from crying so much. they kind of burn and i just want to close and rest them forever.

but anyway. HI responded to my email and although it wasn't overly sweet, it was kind enough and opened the door for further communication. i apologized for hurting her and basically shouldered the brunt of the blame for what's happened between us, but it's what i do. i always say i'm sorry and take responsibility for everything just because i like peace. i want things smoothed out. i still intend to write her a letter or email or whatever and explain my side of the story and i hope that she will accept responsibility for her part in this as well. i would like to hear her say she's sorry for letting me down. for not being there for me when i needed her. for not caring at all about what might have happened to me because she was so caught up in her own selfishness. i would like to hear that, but i don't know if i will.

i don't really have high expectations for all of this, but i guess if there is peace between us and i don't have to fear running into her somewhere, that's half of the battle and worth something anyway.

i'm just so, so tired. it's been the most exhausting year of my life. i just want to sleep and sleep and sleep forever. i'd be so happy to just be happy again.


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