Wednesday, February 15, 2006

journal entry 214...

i'm not sure how i feel today. i think i could go either way.

i've been spending too much time wallowing recently and not enough time planning and prepping and setting goals for my future. i've just been putzing along feeling sorry for myself and acting as if things are somehow just going to suddenly make more sense to me and all the answers will fall into my lap or that i'll just drop dead.

so i guess what i need to do is set some serious goals and start working towards them.

one of my goals was to write at least one poem a week for poetry friday but i haven't been keeping up with it and i've been kind of annoyed with myself over that among other things. i've got a bunch started, i just never seem to finish them. that's the first thing i need to work on as far as goals: finish what i start, i.e. spend more time writing and working on my poetry instead of fucking around. i've fallen back into the tv trap and it's gotta stop.

today i'm going to try and spend some time setting some goals for myself with a reasonable timeline and then figure out what i need to accomplish them. i always feel better when i have something to work towards, especially when i actually accomplish what i set out to do.

i think my new goals will just be a confirmation of my old goals:
1) get in better shape (i.e. lose 15 pounds)
2) read a book a week
3) write a poem a week
4) pay off credit card debt
5) put $500 per month into savings for future home
6) take a grammar refresher class
7) take a conversational spanish class
8) become more involved in community activism again
9) start dating again

i love making lists. i feel like i should add "milk, butter, eggs" to that one just for good measure.

but anyway, i think i'm deciding to make an effort to be happier. i have the number to call for a therapist, all i need to do is call it. i've been procrastinating, but i am going to call and see what's up this weekend. maybe. or monday. i just need to do it and i will. maybe i'll add it to my list of goals and that'll be an easy one to accomplish and cross off.

i just need to remember that these are all things i'm doing for me. i shouldn't look at them as chores or tasks, but as things that will make me happier and more complete. tv is a brain drain and i can really feel that i'm suffering from it. it keeps me from reading and writing and it does very little to improve my situation.

blah, blah, blah. now my mind is wandering because i'm starting to bore myself. time to put in my contacts and do my morning stretches.

today: no tv.

we'll see how that goes.


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