Wednesday, March 01, 2006

journal entry 226...

blogger was being stupid yesterday so i couldn't post in the morning and then i was too busy at work and then i had a "date" with my mentee and when i got home i was all wired and excited but "gilmore girls" was on so i had to watch that and then i was exhausted so i went to sleep. was that a run on?

my mentee is really sweet and i think i'm going to be a good influence on her. we have a somewhat similar background and we have lots of common interests and we get along. she's very open which i appreciate. we're off to a really good start and that makes me happy.

i sent the email to HI on monday and i haven't heard from her since. which is fine. in fact, i'd be kind of relieved to never hear from any of them again. to just have it over-donewith-gone. behind me. moving forward.

i sent a birthday ecard to KR and i haven't heard from her either, which annoys me but relieves me as well. i don't have anything to say to her, but i felt guilty about just letting her birthday go by without notice. we were "best-friends" for all those years and all. it's annoying that she didn't invite me to her party. i'm glad, because i wouldn't have gone and it would've been awkward saying no, but it's annoying too because i didn't do anything to her and now i'm obviously no longer one of her friends.

i'm such a baby.

it's the principle though. J&A fuck me over, i have a nervous breakdown, NO ONE comes to my aid, and now J&A are part of "best-friend-club" and i'm on the outs with everyone. (everyone who's stupid and i don't care about, but everyone none the less.) it's weird how that works. none of those fuckheads would even know each other if not for me. i'm the one who brought everyone together. ungrateful motherfuckers.

i started my period yesterday so i'm feeling bitchy and resentful. obviously.

i saw J as i was walking back from dropping off my mentee. i think he was heading to the corner market, but i didn't watch him the whole way. i don't think he saw me because i was on the other side of the street. he looked the same as ever. A was nowhere to be seen. bitch.

god, i'm grumpy today. i think KR ignoring my bday card annoyed me and reminded me how much i hate all of those fuckheads. they SUCK. and i really am so happy to be out of there.

i have been feeling better lately. i mean for reals. i'm starting to feel like i have a purpose again, to care about my future and what's going on in the world. i'm starting to do more stuff and i'm getting out more and i'm not feeling as "stuck". i'll get my shit together one of these days. sooner rather than later, i think.

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