Wednesday, March 22, 2006

journal entry 233...

i woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

yesterday i was kind of annoyed about the loss of my old "friends". sometimes it just hits me and i'm stunned that they could all abandon me in my time of need like that and just forget about me entirely. i mean, it was J&A who backstabbed me and not one of the people i considered a friend at that time even asked me how i was doing. after all of the times i'd been there for them and comforted them through rough times. when it was my turn to need comfort and guidance, they all left me out there all alone and never looked back. it's annoying that i didn't know sooner that they weren't real friends and that they didn't really care about me.

i know it's all behind me now and i'm moving on with my life and everything, but sometimes it still hurts to remember how cruel and unkind they all were to me. it seems like such a waste of time, all those years i spent with them. i really feel like i'm the only truly loyal person on the planet. not that it's done me any good thus far. maybe i should lighten up and start being less caring and always put myself first so i'm not disappointed or surprised when i get fucked over.

sheesh. i hate when i'm all cranky like this. i'm going to start my period in a couple of days so my hormones are on overdrive.

the weather has been kind of crappy lately too so i haven't been able to walk to and from work which has made me tense and paranoid that i'm going to start gaining weight again. i was doing really well and losing like i should, but for the past month i've stayed the same and i had hoped to have reached my goal by now. if it would just stop raining so i could get back on track.

blah, blah, blah, bitch, bitch, bitch. some things never change.


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