Tuesday, April 11, 2006

journal entry 239...

i dreamt that the craigslist date and i finally got together for a drink and it turned out he had been flaking because he was married.

i was really hurt and pissed and asked him why he would reply to my ad when it clearly said i was looking for an LTR. he gave me some half-assed answer and i wasn't impressed so i told him to go fuck himself. it ended with me running down these stairs screaming "fuck you!" over my shoulder and him shouting it back at me. we were in a mall or something and everyone stopped what they were doing to look at us. i didn't really care about them or notice. mostly i was just wondering where he got off saying "fuck you" to me when i hadn't done anything wrong.

then babycat's cries woke me up so i got out of bed to feed her.

recently i've been thinking i should put more food in her bowl at night. i mean, what if i died? i'm not sure how long it would take someone to find her and i'd hate for her to have to resort to eating my face off or something.

these are the types of things i think when i'm alone. because i like to be prepared for the worst, and also probably because i'm crazy.

i weighed myself yesterday and i have gained five pounds so i'm back on my health kick: no more candy and somehow more exercise.

yesterday the rain cleared up so i was able to walk to and from work which was lovely. i feel so much better and more grounded when i can clear my head on the walk to work. i can hear it raining now though so i'll probably have to take the bus today. the extended forecast shows rain through sunday and then there are bright yellow suns for the following week so i hope that means the rain will finally be behind us by next week. pleasepleaseplease.

i did better with my tv viewing last night. i usually turn it on right when i walk in the door, but last night i didn't turn it on until 7:30 so that was two fewer hours than usual.

i wanted to stop at a cafe on my way home last night and spend some time writing but my neighborhood doesn't have any good cafes. well, it does, but they all close by 3 pm which does me no good when i'm getting off work. it's all bars around here and i'm trying to avoid booze as part of my health kick. also i want to save money.

anyway, the point is there's nowhere for me to go to write after work so i need to figure out a routine to get me in the habit anyway. anywayanywayanyway.

i also dreamt that we were trying to march in the immigration rights march and they got mad at us and took our signs away and threw them in the back of this truck. in another dream i had to go pee really bad and i didn't pull my pants down all the way so i ended up peeing down the back of my pants leg. some guy walked in on me and started laughing and it really upset me.

lots of dreams of frustration and humiliation. i wonder what it all means. ha.

you know what's a good song? vienna, by billy joel.

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