Wednesday, May 10, 2006

journal entry 252...

last night i dreamt of another wedding.

it was at a 24 hour fitness, in the pool area. the bride had us all lined up and in position a week in advance. none of the attendants knew we were there early. we were expecting it to get going and she was all, "no, i just wanted to make sure we had plenty of time for everyone to get here so we'd be ready." like we were going to stand there for a week until the guests arrived.

the groomsmen wore white top hats and grey tuxes. i have no idea who the bride was.

i keep dreaming of people i don't even know.

i sent ME and NA an email the other night, after i got back from drinks with them, to tell them it was nice to see them and send them that cat power cover of "paths of victory" from "north country". neither of them even replied to say it was good to see me too or even just "thanks for the song". they both wanted it, i sent it to them, and they don't acknowledge it or say thanks.

that is exactly why i'm not friends with any of those assholes anymore. it was always like that. i was always thoughtful and concientious and generous and they always weren't. good fucking riddance, you know?

it's disappointing how you'd expect people to get better with age and lots of times they get worse.

i got an email from another "old friend" yesterday. he's not from my old circle, i met him through an old old boyfriend. i used to have crush on him a long time ago and then i realized he was sexist and conceited and also not as bright as he seems to think. he's all "book smart" but he has no real world experience so basically he talks out of his ass all the time and has no idea how fucked up it is or how selfish and harmful it is to the rest of the world.

he says, "well why doesn't she just leave?" all exasperated like when discussing DV. he thinks DV is caused by women with low-self esteem who put up with it instead of by the patriarchy and the men who perpetrate it.

anyway, i guess i don't like him at all anymore and yesterday i got an email from him. i haven't heard from him since last march. over a year ago. the email was about how he's had some "unforseen expenses" that have put him in some financial peril and could he borrow $600 which he wouldn't be able to pay back until next year, when he gets out of grad school.

oh sweet irony.

he's one of those "personal responsibility" folks who thinks welfare encourages women to "take advantage of the system" and here he is asking me for $600 after not hearing from him in over a year. some nerve i tell ya.

i wonder what it is about me that makes people feel okay about taking advantage and treating me disrespectfully. i think i'm kind of a hard ass, but apparently i'm the only one who thinks that. everyone else seems to think i'm a sap.

i watched "jarhead" last night. it didn't make me want to support the troops, but i do support jake gyllenhaal. he's HOTT!

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