Monday, July 10, 2006

journal entry 270...

last night i dreamt of a dead girl.

i didn't know she was dead at the time but everyone else did.

it was one of those dreams where stuff just happens and it's out of order and wouldn't make any sense in real life but makes perfect sense in the dream.

i was back in college only i was working there instead of going to school. i was annoyed because i was helping some kid who was spoiled and rich and reeked of entitlement and was rude to me because i wasn't. the bell rang and it was lunchtime so i decided to go home instead of staying on campus.

before i left i got a call from my roommate who told me he'd been feeling a "weird and hostile vibe in the house". i was all "uhm, okay. thanks for sharing, freak."

i went home anyway, thinking he'd be there but he wasn't. i didn't feel any "weird or hostile vibe" so i went about my business and then this girl walked in. she was in her early twenties and although i didn't know her personally, i knew of her and it seemed she was our roommate who came and went a lot which is why i hadn't run into her yet.

she was kind of peeved and pissed off and was packing her bags. i asked her what was wrong and if she was moving out. she said she was just sick of the town and all the small minded people and that she needed to get away for awhile. i asked her if she wanted to talk about it first or if she wanted to lie down. i was going to take a nap before heading back to campus and i told her she could lay down with me if she wanted so she did.

we were lying there and i was falling asleep. i can't remember if she spooned me or i spooned her, but somehow we were spooning and i was thinking how i felt this deep connection to her, like maybe i was in love or something. she was chubby and frizzy haired and not conventionally pretty but there was something about her that i was drawn to. she felt safe but exciting at the same time and i knew it was love.

the next thing i knew i was alone in my bed and she had gone. i was telling my mom about her and how i wished i'd gotten to know her better while she'd lived there. my mom was all "wha? what girl are you talking about?" and i was all "the girl who lived here, dipshit. duh!" and she said -dunt-dunt-duh- "no one lives here besides you and BE." then we did a bit of that arguing they do in movies when one person is coming to realize that they had talked to and touched a ghost. i totally freaked out.

it seemed that the girl had lived in the neighborhood recently and had been hit by a car or something. it was determined that she had been very angry about it and that must've been the "weird and hostile vibe" BE had mentioned although she seemed sweet and funny (albeit annoyed) to me.

the part that tripped me out most in the dream wasn't that i'd napped with a ghost, but that everyone believed me. if they hadn't already seen her personally, they'd heard of her and knew the story and totally believed that i'd seen her and fallen in love. with a ghost.

i woke up at this point and was really fascinated with the dream and bummed it was over but when you gotta pee, you gotta pee.

(i might have dreamed this part before i woke up to pee but i'm going to put it here because it seems more romantic that i would fall back to sleep and find her again.)

so i fell back to sleep and she reappeared to me and kind of explained her story which i can't remember now. i told her i didn't want her to leave again but she said she had to.

the next thing i know i'm in a wedding with a bunch of people who are all dressed up and my ghost girl is taunting the couple getting married and the preacher because she's pissed that gay marriage is illegal. not everyone in the wedding party can see her, but a few of us can and we start chanting and taunting too and it's really fun and funny and no one seems too pissed off or anything. it was more like a practical joke or something when the person realizes they've been punk'd or whatever and they kind of laugh to finally be in on the joke.

i was really proud of the ghost girl and i really wanted to be with her but i looked for her in the crowd and she'd disappeared. i looked around the park and saw her standing beneath this lush and lovely maple tree and she said goodbye. it was as if her work was done there and she just kind of disappeared. i was sad but it somehow all made sense. except the part where everyone else could see her too and they all believed me and everything. that was weird and totally tripped me out.

so anyway, i don't know why i'm so fascinated and moved by that dream but i am and i was. now i need to feed babycat.

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