Wednesday, July 19, 2006

journal entry 272...

i can't remember my dreams last night but i know that one involved rejection of some sort and i woke up kind of sad.

for the most part, things have been going well but i'm PMSing so i've been a little bit blue. i hate the emotional extremes that accompany womanhood.

i haven't been nearly as obsessed with J&A as i was before. i just made a promise to myself after that drunken poetry outburst that i'd stop reading his blog entirely and that i'd quit visiting their myspace profiles. i've been true to my word and it really has made a difference. when i don't pay attention to what they're doing i don't get pissed off or sad. i know they're still together and it bugs me but when i don't think about it or keep tabs on what they're doing, it starts to matter to me less and less.

that said, i was looking at flickr this morning and one of our "mutual friends" posted some recent pictures that J&A were in. my heart didn't sink and my belly didn't flop like it used to when i'd see them together. actually, my very first thought was "wow, they both look like shit. he looks fat and greasy and her new haircut is really unflattering." she's a lot uglier than i remember.

so there you have it: i'm happier because i've stopped internet stalking them and because they look like shit and i don't.

i'm still not very evolved, obviously. wars are going on, bombs are being dropped, innocent people are being killed everyday, and i'm pleased because someone who hurt me looks like shit.

it's the little things, i suppose...


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