Tuesday, August 01, 2006

journal entry 275...

last night i dreamt there were these two fat old cats and i had to get them put to sleep. one was white with grey spots and the other was orange. also, there was a bird in the house just walking around all casual.

i asked the lady, "are you sure i have to do it? i mean, i just had to have my own cat put to sleep last week and it was very sad and traumatizing." she said if i wanted to keep my job i'd get that shit done. the cats knew something was up and i had a hard time catching them.

then the dream suddenly changed and i was in the bathroom in my apartment and apparently the building manager had been in and cleaned and repainted it. i was kind of happy because it looked good and was super clean and disinfected, but i was annoyed that he hadn't given me 24 hours notice. it was like he was spying on me and waited until i left for work then just made himself at home.

it's weird how i can still miss babycat so much when i have another new cat to love and distract me.

she's so sweet and cute and she makes me happy, but i still think about babycat and how sick she was at the end. how sad it was and how difficult to let her go.

it cost $266 to kill my cat and that just really bothers me. it seems so unfair that you have to pay to make yourself miserable.

my new kitty, junior, is precious though. she's sweet and happy and good. she reminds me of babycat when babycat was a baby. i can tell she really loves me too, and i love her back.

my dad and stepmom will be here a week from today. it's exciting but stressful. i'm really looking forward to it, but i'll be glad when it's over too. i always feel so anxious and worried when i have to entertain. what if they think i'm boring? what if they want to go home and wish they'd never come? i hope the weather is nice.

it would be weird if i could ever just be happy about something and accept it. i always have to make mountains of mole hills; shit from apple butter.

1 Comments:

Blogger Bobby said...

Just keep feeding them and feeding them until they get drowsy, and then work the coffee - on your dad and stepmom, I mean.

August 08, 2006 4:03 AM  

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