Friday, November 10, 2006

journal entry 296...

clearly i'm a vindictive little bitch. i thought i was above it all, but apparently i'm not.

J has been looking at my other blog a lot more, recently. he looked at it on the anniversary of the backstabbing and then again on wednesday.

i haven't been looking at his blog at all. it has been months, but i finally looked today after seeing him comment on someone else's blog. i decided that since i was there i might as well catch up on what he's been doing in the past three months i haven't been paying any attention to him. on the anniversary he wrote one sentence about "being down" and a week later he wrote "i was tired of the best years of my life". it made me happy to know he's bummed. well, not really "happy", more like smug. it was like, "ha. that's what you get, asshole. now you're stuck with that dipshit and you're finally realizing how much you've lost."

i guess i kind of just feel vindicated, like i knew he'd regret it but then it seemed like he didn't and now that it seems like he does it's a relief.

A isn't one-tenth the woman that i am. and J isn't one-tenth the man i deserve. strangely however, i feel absolutely no desire to pursue that perfect man. for the past year i've become more and more of a recluse and i like it. i enjoy being home alone with my cat and a bottle of wine. having people in my life feels like an intrusion. maybe someday it will change, but for now i am quite content in my solitude.

anyway, i just wanted to say that. i'm not perfect, i'm the kind of person who takes comfort in another person's suffering. it's only J&A though, and they deserve it.

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