Saturday, November 11, 2006

journal entry 297...

one thing about getting older. i wonder if i like it or if i don't.

but anyway. one thing about getting older is that things happen and you have a history to compare it to. like when i was young things happened but the world revolved around me so i only had a reference of things that had happened to me and how they compared to other things that had happened to me.

now things happen and i think, "oh, i kinda remember that. i was twenty-whatever and this or that was happening."

obviously i have only the most mundane, the most boring things to share. or maybe i have more but i no longer trust this? i'm scared to say. things. because i'm stupid.

last night i dreamt i had moved to a new apartment and everything i owned was stolen as soon as i left. including my kitty. or maybe she just ran away in the mayhem. either way, i was heartbroken and cried and cried and cried. i went somewhere? i have no idea where it was supposed to be, but it was filthy and miserable and disgusting. filled with homeless drunks. maybe it was my subconscious "skidrow". anyway, i fell to the ground (a stinky, dirty sidewalk) and cried and writhed on the ground freaking out. my life was over. i just kept crying and thrashing and screaming "i wish i was dead. i just want to die now. i can't go on like this." and as i rolled on the ground i kept thinking how foul and disgusting the ground was and how i was certain to catch something, but i didn't care, i just wanted to die.

and then i woke up and i was so relieved that my cat was here and i was in my apartment and my stuff hadn't been stolen. nothing like a nightmare to make you grateful for the mundacity that is your life.


Anonymous Rhea said...

Nightmares always put things in perspective, huh? For 24 hours or so. Then you usually start complaining about your life again.

November 17, 2006 4:01 PM  

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