Saturday, November 11, 2006

journal entry 297...

one thing about getting older. i wonder if i like it or if i don't.

but anyway. one thing about getting older is that things happen and you have a history to compare it to. like when i was young things happened but the world revolved around me so i only had a reference of things that had happened to me and how they compared to other things that had happened to me.

now things happen and i think, "oh, i kinda remember that. i was twenty-whatever and this or that was happening."

obviously i have only the most mundane, the most boring things to share. or maybe i have more but i no longer trust this? i'm scared to say. things. because i'm stupid.

last night i dreamt i had moved to a new apartment and everything i owned was stolen as soon as i left. including my kitty. or maybe she just ran away in the mayhem. either way, i was heartbroken and cried and cried and cried. i went somewhere? i have no idea where it was supposed to be, but it was filthy and miserable and disgusting. filled with homeless drunks. maybe it was my subconscious "skidrow". anyway, i fell to the ground (a stinky, dirty sidewalk) and cried and writhed on the ground freaking out. my life was over. i just kept crying and thrashing and screaming "i wish i was dead. i just want to die now. i can't go on like this." and as i rolled on the ground i kept thinking how foul and disgusting the ground was and how i was certain to catch something, but i didn't care, i just wanted to die.

and then i woke up and i was so relieved that my cat was here and i was in my apartment and my stuff hadn't been stolen. nothing like a nightmare to make you grateful for the mundacity that is your life.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Rhea said...

Nightmares always put things in perspective, huh? For 24 hours or so. Then you usually start complaining about your life again.

November 17, 2006 4:01 PM  

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