Tuesday, November 21, 2006

journal entry 299...

last night i dreamt that i was sort of making out with the actor who plays josh lyman on the west wing. in the dream we really fancied each other but we were trying to keep it secret. we didn't want anyone to know. i'm not sure if this was because he was married to the actress who plays malcolm's mom in malcolm in the middle or what.

in the dream we were kind of "sneak" making out while a lot of people we knew were in the room. we kept pretending like we were asleep and had just accidentally rolled onto the other or brushed lips.

in the dream it all felt very, very real and i wondered what i was going to do about it and the wife situation and all of that.

he sort of reminded me of and old friend, BR, and then i got to work this morning and wondered if he wasn't meant to represent my boss, the one i sort of have a crush on, the one who has a wife. all day long though, i've been thinking about that dream and wondering what it meant and i just got back from the restroom where i passed a guy in the hall who i thought, "maybe it was him? maybe the actor who plays josh lyman on the west wing was supposed to represent this guy in my dream?" because i guess i kind of have a crush on him too, and he also has a wife.

all of these crushes are harmless and secret, mind you. no one knows about them and i'd never act on any of them because i have integrity and i respect other people's relationships and boundaries and i'm not the kind of girl who'd fuck someone over or stab them in the back just to get a guy.

maybe i used to be, a long, long time ago when i was still a girl and quite stupid. not anymore though. i'm all grown up now and dreadfully alone.

thank you integrity!

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